Isn't Anybody Any Fun Anymore?

That was a question asked aloud at a family gathering I attended over the summer, in response to the fact that several of us were not drinking alcohol. Dontcha know alcohol = fun?! Insert eyeroll.

I recently celebrated 8 years without alcohol and 1 year without marijuana or other drugs. I have changed, my friends have changed, my idea of fun has changed - and I couldn't be happier about it! I feel certain that I would be six feet under instead of writing this blog today if I hadn't made that change 8 years ago. I was complaining about the comment from my family party to my bestie, and she reminded me of how judgy we used to be back in our active alcoholic days. We absolutely would have been rolling our eyes at how lame the party was if no one else was on a one way train to Drunksville. It consumed us, and if you weren't on board then we weren't on board with YOU. It bonded us together, and now in a twist of fate we are bonded by sobriety and wellness - go freakin' figure!

Our society is fueled by alcohol - almost every event REVOLVES around it. No one talks about the terrible decisions made, the morning after headaches, regret, physical injury, responsibilities shirked and feelings of shame that are the direct result of alcohol consumed. I have found that "I don't drink" isn't generally returned with "GOOD FOR YOU!" it's often an incredulous stare and "ohhhhhhh" or maybe even "why?" This is why sober communities are such a sacred space for many of us, there is no judgment there, NO MATTER WHAT. If you have a desire to stop drinking, you are welcomed with open arms, no matter what you did last night, last week, last year or any other time you were drinking.

I lived in NYC for 2 years during the my alcoholic reign, aged 29 - 31, and I barely made it out alive. I wouldn't even call it the peak of my drinking, but it was definitely on the top part of the climb. I had a dog when I was there , and HE also barely made it out alive because of my drinking and drugging. The amount of times I had zero recollection of walking home at 3am from who knows where, walking Brady around the block like Stumblina, the random dudes I brought home with zero knowledge of who they were, accepting drugs from literally anyone - if we were at the same bar it deemed them 'safe' in my eyes. One morning I woke up and my apartment door wasn't even closed, because Brady's leash was caught in the door. I recall that morning thinking, yikes, that's not great, sure am glad no once came in to rob or kill me. Sure, it was a doorman building in Midtown West but let's be real, we don't REALLY know our neighbors and delivery workers basically get a free pass.

I visited NYC recently with my bestie, and the city hasn't changed much, but we sure have! We don't even discuss what happened the last time we were there together, mum is the word. Bars and liquor stores still line the streets, there are still no rules (except to curb your dog) and the food is still amazing. I used to have so much anxiety about what to do when I visited places, who to see, where to go....but the crazy thing is it was all fueled by my alcoholism! This trip I set up my work station at our friend's incredible apartment on the Upper East (love being able to work anywhere) and just played things by ear. I had food regret for all the the wrong reasons (I should have eaten more deliciousness, not less), I saw a couple friends but no stress about having to see every single person that I know, saw a show (Harry Potter, we gave it 7 out of 10 and wished we had seen The Great Gatsby), went for a run and a couple walks then hightailed it out of there to get home to my animals and my peaceful home in NH. Boy have times changed, in all the best ways.

Drinking alcohol isn't what makes you fun, it's being present, confident, REAL, caring, free-spirited and non-judgmental; those are the traits that people want to be around. When I was deep in my addiction I thought I was the life of the party, that everyone loved me, but that wasn't really the case. Everyone loved me because I took the attention and pressure off of them - all eyes were on me, and not in a good way . I was rude, crass, judgmental, sloppy and full of fear. Not anymore! I still have plenty of fear, but I have learned healthy tools to manage it, and all of the changes I've made took time - 8 years! Shit, it took me 7 years to realize that I had essentially replaced one addiction (alcohol) with another (marijuana).

Be kind to yourself. Our society created this mess, it's not your fault. Today is a brand new day and YOU are in the driver's seat. If you want to make a change and your "people" are giving you shit for it, they aren't your people! It does not matter what you did yesterday if you set your mind to doing better today. The key is follow through, and it's freakin HARD YA'LL. If you need support or a guiding hand, I got you. Send me a message and I will be the wall for you to lean against - I needed that when I took my first steps and I fully embrace being that for others. We can do really hard things, unimaginable things, and be so much better for it. Today I dream bigger, sleep better, breathe deeper and live in gratitude. My life is far from perfect, but it is consistently improving and going in the right direction.

And I'm still hella fun, so suck on THAT.

You've got this!