Life Must Go On

It's shocking to think that six months have passed since my rock, the one person I could always count on, my Nana, left this Earth. Yes, she was nearly 91 years old, but we didn't see this coming...not at all. Just a week before she was telling me about how good she felt, other than the annoying cough that wouldn't go away. I shook my head on the other end of the phone as she bragged about shoveling off the light fluffy snow from the front porch; she thought it was so funny when the plow guy caught her and got out of his truck to finish it and said he was gonna rat her out to my aunt Cristal. She knew she wasn't supposed to be doing anything other than light walking, but that woman did what she wanted.

I have been through a fair amount of trauma in my life, but the experience of her passing in front of me might remain at the top of the list. It was just like every other Wednesday, and I was working upstairs in my office at home when my aunt texted a pic of an ambulance in her driveway and said Nana was headed to the hospital because she couldn't breathe. It was alarming, but I wasn't really concerned; I had just spoken to her the day before and I knew her cough had gotten bad but it didn't seem life threatening. My aunt had something going on so I said I'd head over to hang with her at the hospital. I packed up 16 drinks because I figured it was like the last time when she had afib and was admitted for a few days, so I thought I'd be there for several hours. It was all a blur, really. She passed away 25 minutes after I got to her room in the emergency area. There was no time to even process what was happening before the doc said "I'm sorry, she's gone." I'm sorry, WHAT? I gave him a look like what are you some kinda idjit, just bring her back. In hindsight, I am certain she was waiting for me to get there before she left, but damnit I was not ready. She had an infection in her lungs that went septic, had afib and water in her lungs - a "triple whammy" as the doc so kindly put it, I probably would have punched him if I had any air in my lungs.

Life is not the same without her. She was the Louise to my Thelma; I think of her every single day. Although I am glad she didn't have to see that piss poor Celtics playoff run, she would not have liked that one bit. Nana was the only constant in my bumpy and chaotic childhood. She was my protector, my cheerleader and the one that I answered to. She saved me time and time again, she taught me to be tough and a lady at the same time (still questionable whether I got that last part down). She was often the only one that showed up for me - in the bleachers of my basketball tournaments all over the map, in the courtroom and on all of my proudest days - she was always there.

I lived with her and her mother as a freshman in high school, when I was just starting out on my 20+ year run of alcohol abuse, but that's another story. I would get so irritated at her housekeeping habits, this woman ironed my thong underwear and folded them into neat squares before putting them away in my drawer. I remember thinking what a waste of time, but she loved it. She loved ironing, period, whether it was thong underwear or a dress shirt, I'm telling you she would have the biggest smile when she whipped the iron out. I did not get that gene. She would flirt with all of my dates, and they'd kinda flirt back because everyone loved Nana - everyone loved Nana. She became fake famous as my Norwex assistant on social media and boy did she love it. She was in all of her glory when the camera was rolling, just the cutest. I can't tell you how many people said they felt like they knew her because of our videos, I'm so grateful for all of it.

We took countless road trips to Florida in my lifetime. As a kid she would drive the whole way by herself without stopping to "put up" because she didn't want to waste any time - she'd pop a couple of No-Doze and get us there in 23 hours flat. More recently, I was the one doing the driving, but she was the best passenger princess I could ask for.

The cutest.

This woman was a literal force. She and my Papa had been divorced for as long as I've been alive, but they had the best relationship. She worked for the same company for her entire 36 year career. Through several company buy-outs, she remained a loyal and dedicated employee. If they gave out attendance awards, she would have won every year. I actually don't know that she ever missed a day of work - snow, sleet, rain, sickness...she showed up. Once she retired she quickly realized she couldn't sit around "twiddling her thumbs" and got a job at Walmart - she was a greeter for a while and then got her dream job in the bakery department. 'Sports fan' doesn't quite cover it with Nana, she knew the starting lineup for the Red Sox, Celtics and Patriots every damn season. West Coast games? Welp, gonna be a late night, cuz she ain't missing it! Red Sox must be on because Nana's yelling at the TV again...sure, she can go with you “as long as I’m back in time for my game.”

Life is not the same without her. I want to call her every single day, but instead I talk to the cardinals and hummingbirds and know that she is watching. I had her for 46 years, and for that I am grateful. She taught me how to be a strong, independent woman NO MATTER WHAT. Even if she did get a little judgy here and there about me never getting married or other life choices of mine; she earned the right to be a little judgy. My nana left a mark and touched every single person she met. We'll be okay, because she raised us to be, but Lorraine Morin, Nana, you are so very missed here on Earth.